Biography

The story begins when Danny saw a piano made of clear glass at age 3 and mistook it for a nuclear rocket. He soon gave up what could have been an astronomical career, in order to practice trills from 8 to 5 daily. Fortunately, his finger dexterity improved to such a degree that the great Leon Fleisher accepted him into his teaching studio, on the premise that he never trills again. 20 years later later, he invites others to join him on his gruelling journey of reckless finger-jams, midnight cursing, hair lighting and heavy drinking – all via a convenient, online teaching platform.

Throughout his illustrious teaching career, Danny’s synesthesia has become more fine-tuned, with keys such as G-sharp minor resembling nachos with cheese and B-flat major Alberti bass resembling the shriek of ducks marching to the slaughterhouse. To get away from it all, he started his own music festival up in Canada, using every last penny of his emergency fund. Similar to the inauguration of Beethoven’s Choral Fantasy in Vienna, the festival’s inaugural concert was essentially a benefit concert for himself and his growing need for booze.

In March of 2020, at the height of his touring season, a mysterious virus had nicked off a portion of his surname, causing him to lose all his concerts for the season and adopt a new identity: “Winooski” became simply “V”. He immediately considered a songwriting career, but his family advised him to stick with blogging instead, thereby not losing the additional $500 in yearly income. He plans to livestream all of his performances over the next 100 years in the hope of reclaiming this year’s lost touring revenue.

Danny has developed a special focus on repertoire that nobody can understand, digest or fathom. It all started when he read a Kabbalist prayer book from the 12th century and decided that the music of forgotten Jewish composers is the closest thing to a psychedelic experience in classical music. His mission continues to be lauded in major periodicals around the world.

Born in Canada, Danny is a true Northern phenomenon: a thought-weaver, starry-eyed philosopher and intellectual nomad who likes his lager to be triple-filtered. A free-spirited, wandering “wayfarer” in every sense, recent sightings have included a spearfishing stint in the Arctic Circle and an Honourable Mention at the International Pimp Slapp’d by a Penguin Piano Competition, where he was singled out by critics for his unusual pedalling and broad humming palette.

Still not convinced? These testimonials speak volumes:

“I’m so happy my son finally settled upon the distinguished profession of blogging and didn’t become an axe killer or a yakuza film star.”

Mom

“After wrestling with the arm rest for nearly an hour, he was absolutely relentless in his refusal to give it up to me and later even had the audacity to ask me for my barf bag. This passenger left a great deal to be desired.”

Fellow KLM passenger (10/18 RateYourPassenger survey)

“A flippant swashbuckler who writes with the wit of a Bavarian peacock and the morals of a wild pigeon.”

Monday Times

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